


Ho'okahi

by aries_taurus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loneliness, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, no suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:02:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aries_taurus/pseuds/aries_taurus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He feels like a free electron with nowhere to belong, orbiting in the distance, close enough but too far away.  He’s gotten used to it and he’s okay with who he is. It doesn’t mean that the loneliness can’t get crushing at times</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ho'okahi

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.

He knows he’s not easy to live with. He’s abrasive, loud, opinionated and obstinate, always kinda maybe pissed off. He’s used to it.

He’s got, had, a brother and sisters and tons of cousins but the basic truth of it is that he’s a loner. Always has been. He’s had, has friends. McGarrett is the most notable one. But there are few, preciously few who really know him. Because, maybe if they did, they’d hate him. He doesn’t know why he feels that way but he does.

Still, there are times he feels like an outsider that has nothing to do with being a _haole_. He feels like a free electron with nowhere to belong, orbiting in the distance, close enough but too far away.

He’s gotten used to it and he’s okay with who he is.

It doesn’t mean that the loneliness can’t get crushing at times.

It feels like an anchor, dragging him down, drowning him.

It’s worst every time he drops off Grace. It’s like he’s sinking and suffocating in a sea of nothingness with no one noticing.

Maybe it’s why he’s so abrasive, why it seems like he voluntarily makes himself hard to get along with.

Maybe it’s because he won’t feel so alone when those people around him eventually disappear, leaving him truly and completely alone.

Some days, the feeling’s so strong, so intense, he wonders if it wouldn’t be less painful to eat his gun.

He never does. He never will. He knows that feeling will pass as soon as he picks up the phone to call Grace, or maybe even Steve.

But sometimes, in the middle of the night, nothing can make it go away.

All he can do is breathe deep and wait for morning.

 


End file.
